30. Cemetery Man (1994)
October 30, 2009
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Well you know what they say,
The Deader, the Better!!!
I wonder if she’s afraid of Mecha Godzilla’s mechanical wiener?
Holy Crap! This is yet another movie I’ve never even heard of, let alone seen. It looks pretty messed up. Makes me wonder (and cringe) at what you’ll be pulling from your sleeve for the last two Monster Madness episodes.
Bring ‘Em ON!!!
I remember going away one summer with my folks and seeing this flick on a Black and White TV one night. That was the last time I seen it hoping to never see it again because of it’s pointless nature.
Thanks for reuniting me with this James lol.
Cheers
I hope Event Horizon is next..
This looks hilarious. And the Grim Reaper looks freakin awesome!
This has sparked my interested. I may just watch this one.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOONNNNSSSTER MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMADDDDDNESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!
You are so fucking amazing james, oh god, i can’t wait till tomorrows title scream!
NICE INTRO!!!!!!!!! Did you want to start a Death Metal band? We could call it James and the shitty Fucks or Cinnemassacres Anal Retardation.
AWESOME SHIT BRING THAT SHIT OOOOOOONNNNNN!!!!!!!!
PS. Nice review, sad to see it finishing.
it’s already been said, but this must be one of the inspirations for the deader the better!
Why did this have to come first. The density of the grave stones. The general appearance of people working the Grave yard.
Did you see this movie before you made The Deader the Better?
It seems like you got the few aspects from this that are actually good and not too disturbing in your own work!
I wish whomever did the effects for that Reaper has their own movie company I think they could have a shot at doing things like the Giant Claw or maybe even reviving the Crypt Keeper.
Looking forward to the continuing saga of CastleVania games but this movie is just too dicked up.
in all seriousness,
James, you must have a Freaking HUUUUUGE collection of awesome stuff.
From hundreds of consoles and games, dvd/vhs movies and even old reel to reel films!!!!!!!!!!
I think you should have a competition, like Willy Wonka, In which five lucky nerds get to see the Cinemassacre Film Factory!
Think about it, 5 weird nerds walking through your house…….errrr, nah that would be weird……..
Hey seriously though, good on you mate for entertaining us day in day out for FREE!!!!
Thats right whiners,Free. I know that i couldnt be assed doing all that hard work!
Thanks for a great October James, and all year round Entertainment.
Wimmy
I’ve been watching/reading your stuff for a couple of years now but this episode alone made me want to register. It’s impossible to not watch any of the great reviews and videos you make.
Dellamorte Dellamore! It’s truly a great movie. Plus, there *is* an explanation to the logic of this movie, at least an explanation that satisfies me. However, you didn’t bring up that aspect of the movie at all and I don’t wanna spoil it too much for people who want to watch it. With that said, SPOILER WARNING ahead for the rest of this text: the trick is that friend of his he keeps talking with on the phone. Or rather, who that friend really is.
hi james, hi guys
i’m italian. i’m your great fan: i like your rewievs and i’ve seen thousand time the AVGN rewievs.
about this film i think you can’t understand completely it if you’re not italian. the principal reason is that this movie is adapted from a popular comic named “dylan dog”, that seems like a paranormal fucking dream nightmare on each page and i think the movie fully reflect this characteristics. so you can understand it only if read the comic.
hey james, if u come in italy send me an e mail. i’m from foligno (umbria) “center italy. see you
I’m pretty sure he’s said that this wasn’t an at least a direct inspiration for The Deader the Better. I saw this movie for the first time about a year ago. It’s definitely a film you can’t just watch parts of, or you won’t have any idea what the hell is going on.
I actually did watch this movie and the part about the penis really made me scratch my head
Damn, that looks like a good one.
I saw this movie on the very first date I ever went on. It will always hold a special place in my heart.
w00t I knew you were doing this review when I asked about this movie near the start of mmmmmmmmmmmmoooooooooonnnnnnnsssttttttteeerrrrrrrrr maaaaaddddnnnnneeeeesssssss and you commented that people were asking about movies that you were going to do later on
Awesome movie I must say, saw it once when I was a whole lot younger and it never let me go. That is why I was asking if people knew it. It’s just so weird and messed up that you can’t help thinking about it. I aquired it a few days back and still need to watch this, but if my younger self was correct then this was an awesome movie and I recommend it
Wow, that looks like one fucked up Movie, James! I don’t know what to make of it, haha.
it doesn’t matter how ridiculously beautiful a woman is, i don’t think I’d stomach getting it chopped off lol.
James ur outta control in this video
sex on graves
and then he decide’s to get it chopped off
if they made a sequal do u thik his dick would come back from the dead?
Mr. Rolfe, i must thank you for broadening my horizons. With all the night soil that comes out of Hollywood lately, i believe many of us already forgot about true classics that need to be re-appreciated.
Best regards from Slovenia.
Yeah, even from how you explain it, I could already imagine that the movie is really crazy, wow!
Thanks, James! Cool movie review!
Hey guys! Francesco Dellamorte was left with his penis in it’s place, because doctor didn’t have balls to cut off that dick.It was very disturbing to me that a man would want his fireman cut off for a woman, and I was maybe 12 yo when I saw that movie.Town’s people called him impotent because he’s an outcast, everybody hated and made fun of him.But he’s not and that graveyard sex scene was awesome.And his character is awesome.I even wanted to work in cemetery and shoot fucking zombies in the head after I saw this film.
Since I was a child that movie left huge impact on me, this and evil dead were the first horror movies that I ever saw and I love them so much. Dellamorte Dellamore is good movie.Everything that James said, but he didn’t mention that it had some really fucked up but awesome ending.It just leaves you feel hopeless along those two cemetery men.
Yay, it’s Halloween tomorrow and I wonder what the final movie for this years Monster Madness is. =D
the lovely thing is when the nurse comes in and goes “Shut up” and shoots her right in the damn face. i definitely gotta check this one out. this one looks funny.
That movie is fucking sick. It’s even more stupid than ‘Dr.Caligari’ of 1989.
Okay then… that was weird. Nice review. I heard of the film but I haven’t looked at it. I wonder what tomorrow’s final Monster Madness video will be. Possibly a recap?
Yes, that girl is ridiculously hot. What is she doing in this movie?
@Cyril ViXP
LOL! That movie is ridiculously bad. My ex girlfriend swore it was the best B-movie ever, but after watching it, I had to kick her ass to the curb.
Dr. Caligari (1989) is what happens when someone aspires to be Ed Wood, but doesn’t understand why Ed Wood’s movies are watchable.
Lol that looks totaly fucked up.. but i kinda like it.
Awesome video James.
What a weird movie… O.o
w00t! Another one for the Netflix!
http://www.livingwithanerd.com
As Gigi said, Dellamorte Dellamore look different if you know italian comic “dylan dog”, but the movie is not based on Dylan Dog, but from the book Dylan Dog, a Tiziano Sclavi Story. Well, Tiziano Sclavi is the creator of the character Dylan Dog.
All of you have to know that the Dylan Dog movie coming soon, but as an american production called “Dead of Night”, starring Brandon Routh…
If the movie will look like the coming, you can be sure, will be a success!
Ok, sorry for my english
What a awful random movie. Wow, chicks who fear of dicks. It’s like guys fear of boobs. Weird.
The part where I totally cracked up is when the lady at the end tells Rupert Everett not to smoke and the guy tells her to shut up and shoots her in the head. O my god, why is that necessary?
hahaha great review XD ironic that I watched this movie only recently… and now it’s up on your Monster Madness
and I complitely agree with you, that woman is beautiful (her name’s Anna Falchi btw) oh btw, I’m italian 
and like a couple of other comments earlier said, you truly DO look at this movie in a different way if you know the italian comic book Dylan Dog (which basically talks about a guy who’s a ‘nightmare detective’ and takes on the craziesat of cases, and the story of some of them REALLY mess with your head… believe me
it’s great 
it’s all the better that the comic is funny, awesome, and freaky) but like the guys said, it’s not based on the comic, but it surely has elements of it… (e.g. the fact that Francesco has a striking resemblance to Dylan, and I doubt that’s coincidence) probably the director wanted to pay homage to the comic book
either way, the movie is great
and juts like James said, you should really check it out if you’re looking for something different. it’s funny, it’s random, and it’s got zombies in it… what more could you ask for? XD
wow this movie looks pretty cool
and now i know where you got your inspiration for the deader the better 
ooooh almost forgot!
the movie is based off the novel of the same name, which was written 3 years earlier by Tiziano Sclavi (the same guy who created the Dylan Dog comic book) so that would explain the resemblance between the movie and Dylan Dog
ALSO, coolest thing, which I only just remembered about: Francesco is mentioned a couple of times in Dylan Dog
the one I remember the most was when Dylan was in a cemetery and had to dig up a grave and says “If my friend Dellamorte would see me now… he might think I’m trying to steal his job!” 
(btw, Dellamorte is Francesco’s last name) there was also another time he was mentioned… but I can’t recall it now 
I swear I’m gonna look through each Dylan Dog I have until I find it XD
James, I was hoping you have included this one in your first Monster Madness. I am glad you finally got to include it this time around.
I was introduced to this movie working in a video store in 1995 from a patron… this movie is just that screwed up. Great Review
Monster madness is so inspiring!
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Daniel and Jarkko Groenberg, Mike Hayes. Mike Hayes said: RT @cinemassacre: #MonsterMadness Day 30 – Cemetery Man (1994) http://ow.ly/xCYB [...]
From Beyond is pretty wicked too, but I just like Italian horror, and of course “An American Haunting.”
James thinking about the male cock…interesting!!!
I stumbled upon this movie on my netflix on demand subscription one boring night after reading some of the reviews. Boy, it was one WEIRD movie, but it somehow kept me interested. If your bored off your ass one night, this will keep you entertained and forever be embedded in your memory.
yeesh! what a random wild movie, and from the 90’s, you would think people would have some standard of movie logic by now, but nope, apparently people also liked Bubbaho-Tep.
So he got his penis cut off because of his girl.
But wt does his girl do him any good if he loses his penis?
I can withstand any extreme gore, but not castration.
It’s reli sick.
James (and anyone who have seen this movie) check out this post http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109592/board/nest/95632668
Dellamorte Dellamore has a much deeper story then you might think. Only read it if you have seen the movie. It’s full of spoilers.
Wow, I can’t believe I haven’t seen this one already. So he is just marking names off at random in the phone book? Holy shit. I can just imagine that conversation with his girlfriend too, “Baby, I’m sort of afraid of your penis.” “Ok sweetie, I’ll go make an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to get my dick cut off, ok?” “Thanks, after that we can just pretend we are having sex…”
OMFG lol. When you said “Guess what this girl has a phobia of” I just said “cocks” to myself as a joke. I didn’t actually expect that to be true! wow…just wow.
Hey, all right.
Cemetery Man! I know I’ve said a few of the movies you’ve reviewed this year are some of my favorite horror flicks—and it’s true—but Dellamorte Dellamore is BETTER than all of those, ha ha! For me, this ranks right up there with John Carpenter’s The Thing, Jaws, the Evil Dead series, and Braindead/Dead Alive. Just one of my absolute all-time favorites.
I really love the film for a variety of reasons. I mean, it’s what I’d call a surrealistic zombie romance comedy—a surzomromcom. OK, so I wouldn’t actually call it that, but it is very surrealistic, it does have zombies, it is essentially a love story, and it’s funny.
I’d like to read the Dylan Dog and Dellamorte Dellamore comics that this movie is based on, but I don’t know if they’ve been translated to English.
Here’s hoping this review of yours brings this great movie into the homes and minds of a lot of people who otherwise may have never heard about it. A truly underappreciated gem.
Woah, there’s only 3 words for something like that movie, WOOT DA FUCK!
HO MY GOD!!!
I’ve just seen the movie : what a mess !!
crazy things happens but noone seems to give a shit
what a fucking movie, so cool
(by the way I love zombies)
i think the scene where impudent is getting his penis removed or operated on is by far one of the scariest scenes in a movie i’ve ever seen. mostly because of the camera work giving you the view point of the patient getting the operation. just seeing a large par or scissors coming at my genital region would be enough to give me a nightmare or freak me out. i think the whole scare aspect of that scene is similar to the atmosphere in James’ movie “it came from the toilet”.
He ****ing shot a nun in the head. I can’t get over that. A nun… in the head… with a gun. And was it just me, or did the nun look like his previous love interests. Also, why get *cough* it cut off, just keep *cough* it in your pants and she has nothing to fear.
Now presenting… Cock of the Living Dead… the first zombie porno.
Gonna look for that one today. Looks sick! Thanks for the heads up James!
The way he says Monster Madness in this one kinda reminds me of that episode of South park where Jesus has his own talk show, and in an attempt for better ratings, they make the show “flashier”. So when the announcer announces Jesus’ name, he goes “Ladies and gentlemen, your savior and mine, JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEsuschrist.”
uhh! weird, first 20 mins. and already shit like that happens. ill probably look for that but uhh. thats weird!
Michele Soavi used to be a second-unnit director for Terry Gilliam on The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen. Munchhausen had a grim reaper character bearing a striking resemblance to the one in Cemetary Man. Since Gilliam’s movie was from ‘88, I think it would be fair to give it credit for the depiction style.
This is one of my favorite horror movies. It has a lot of symbolism in it. My favorite part is when the Mayor comes back to life and Dellamorte is telling him to come down off of the cemetary walls ‘You’re supposed to be setting an example for the others!’ XD
Wow this movie looks totally random. James Curse of Michael Myers is not crap, it’s one of the best of the series, at least the producer’s cut is.
Great choice, very overlooked film.
This is funny. I just watched this movie on Starz or something a couple weeks ago and thought the exact same thing. This is by far one of the most bizarre horror movies I’ve ever encountered. As I finished watching this potluck of random shit, I wondered if you, James, were gonna put this on your Monster Madness list. Sure enough, it’s here. Awesome.
Also, to Tonyaj420 above me…Curse of Michael Myers is the worst of this series. It has zero suspense, it has implausible kills, and at that point, it just became the same as any other countless slasher flicks. I still can’t get over Michael’s mask in that one. It looks like it’s made of stone!!
never heard of this one, gonna have to check it out, thx for the review ^^
Phallophobia- Fear of a penis, esp erect.
If David Lynch had directed a zombie movie, I’m pretty sure this would have been it. While the movie didn’t follow any logic, and was confusing as hell to follow, there’s so much to analyze here. Also, I think the angel of death was portrayed in a similar manner in The Adventures of Barron Munchausen…just saying.
Awesome movie gonna miss monster maddness when its over though. Keep up the good work James.
I was laughing my jaws off and I haven’t seen the movie yet!
Awesome movie! The ending was one of the most weirdest ending I’ve ever seen. And that really says something as the whole movie is weird. There are some great scenes were the director plays with the background. You see Ruppert kneeling and angel wings behind him from the statue. I think afterwards he goes on rampage in the hospital. Gotta watch this movie again.
when i was watching this i said to myself that this looks like dylan dog movie. the actors face,his car and atmosphere. thanks for people explaining this.
dylan dog comic-book has legendary status here in croatia. if you find this movie weird try to read a dylan dog comic. tales from the crypt are for little babies compared to him. i dont know if they are translated and published on english.
God I hate the 90s. It is all crap!!!
Nice one.
I was hoping to see Bad Taste in monster madness.
But maybe sometime in the future.
good vid keep um coming
go asu!!!!
Awww, tomorrow’s Halloweeen, but it’s also the last day of October. :’-( I’m going to miss these MMMMMMMMOoOOOOONNNSTERRRR MAAAAAADDDDnnnnNESSSSSS videos.
Its Adriana Lima ={D Naw… kinda looks like her tho (LOL)
“I never watched a movie and wondered so much about a guy’s penis” – LOL. I’m pysched you did this movie. Was one of my all time favorites. I think there’s some deeper hidden meaning within the film that classy sopisticated europeans and film snobs get. I just love it for the love of death. Great movie and I agree, That’s the best version of the reaper I’ve ever seen (although I can only think of maybe two other Reapers in films). ‘Why are you stealing the dead from me?’ AWESOME! BTW, the assistant’s name is Gnaghi (nog-ee) not ghol or goul however you would spell it. Also, Kudos to the effort of the ‘Cinemassacre Monster Madness’ screaming in the intro. You fail to disappoint!
Was that Uncle Leo from Seinfeld?
James, you’ve done video’s for Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th,so why don’t you do Freddy vs. Jason. I saw it two days ago and really liked and I’d really like to hear your opinion about it.
NO! Tommorow it ends. IT ENDS!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a comment/question, James when are you going to do A.V.G.N reviews for the N64, I know you did Superman 64 but why was that the only one? Also how come you reviewed the shittiest N64 game first, I mean come on maybe if you where going to do N64 game you should do the shittiest one. Think about E.T. is your most requested but you don’t do it because you don’t want to review your most requested. If you did N64 games regularly like the other consoles you use Superman 64 would probably be your most requested.
I’d be interested in what James’ interpretation of the Movie is…
Greetings from Germany!
Cemetery man! fucking crazy ass movie glad to see it made the list!
Isn’t that the Grim Reaper from Terry Gilliam’s “Adventures of Baron Muncahuasen” ?
lol penisphobia
ahahahahahaha
That movie is just plain weird, i don’t know if it was covered in the other monster madness series but i do mis Pet Sematary from 1989…
Its a unique horror film for many reasons — its off beat (somehwhat Freudian meets existentialism?) storyline and Italian (foreign) roots.
one thing, you said his friends name wrong, its Na-Gee.. other then that perfect review, i only know its Nagee tho from watching this movie so many times i can see it if i close my eyes lol
Great one for sure! And about the name Gnaghi it is close to what Fleaman said, just make the n sound as in spanish bathroom(gn makes n sound like spanish)
Grazie per questo!
Giuvà
Oops just as in spanish baño(bagno in italiano)
I’m so fucking relieved.
I saw about half of this movie when I was like 8 or 9, and I remember wanting to watch the whole thing but my mom wouldn’t let me. I forgot the name of it after about a year and since I turned about 15 i’ve been trying to figure out what it is. And now I know. Thanks alot!
Nice to see Dellamorte Dellamore included this year. One thing though, Francesco’s friend and grounds-keeping assistant is named Gnaghi, not “Gall” as you claimed. This may have already been pointed out in these comments, but I didn’t want to go through 90 of them in order to point out your little goof.
Cheers!
“excuse me sir! no smoking!”
“SHUT UP!!!”
*bang*
lol, i would never cut my dick off to impress a girl… wait- reverse psychology?
Heheh I did point it out just to be helpful as I believe I might be one of the few from Italy here! Once again this is a great movie!
That girl is so fucking hot. I just froze the screen when I saw her.
James, I hate to ask even more of you since you give us so much, but can we have an audio comp of all the “It’s Cinemassacre’s Monster Madness!” intros once you have more free time? This one was my favorite so far. Monster truck style intros could not have been more appropriate.
Hi!
I’m Italian, I remember this movie, if I’m not wrong this it is supposed to be based on an Italian horror comic named “Dylan Dog”.
That being said, the stories from the comics were and are much better that the storyline of this movie.
The girl was very hot, and she still is, her only problem is that she is sooooooo stupid in real life!!! she messed up with a lot of opportunities in the past…
your intro sounds like super mecha death christ lol
To tevildo:
Uè amico come sta? Dove sei in Italia? Io sono della Basilicata ma vivo in Stati Uniti(Nuova Jersey)
Grazie!
Giuvà
For all of you who wondered who the girl is, her name is Anna Falchi. Allow me to post a link that explain many things: http://images.google.it/images?hl=it&source=hp&q=anna%20falchi&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi
Greetings from Sardinia (Italy) James!
Che bel Sardinia, amicu! è vero Anna è troppo bella!
°Su mundu est de chie lu cheret, su chelu de chie l’alcansat°
James you really have fans everywhere in the world!
|Centu concas centu berrittas|
Hi there!
I’m Italian too and I just wanted to say that Gigi is right, this movie is supposed to be based on this very popular italian horror comic, Dylan Dog, a detective that investigates on supernatural events and has to deal with zombies quite often.
I personally didn’t like this interpretation and I think this movie is quite pointless. It has nothing to do with the irony of the original comic (for example, they replaced Dylan’s sidekick – Groucho, a Groucho Marx’s look-a-like – with this ridiculous fat guy; moreover, it’s true that Dylan Dog is a real playboy, but, of course, he would never cut off his…”family jewels” just because of a random blonde chick…).
Some samples of the comic:
http://www.ubcfumetti.com/international/dh_dd1.jpg
http://horrorblood.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/dylan-dog-copertina.jpg
http://www.slashfilm.com/wp/wp-content/images/ddog42.jpg
Hi James! I’m form Italy too! (Sardinia exactly).
As you may know now this movie is based on the comic “Dylan Dog”. Not much to say..just that you are a genius.
By the way…check in youtube some clip from “Evil Clutch” or “Il Bosco 1″. Yes..this horror movie is so shitty that the Italian tile has the 1 in it. But’s a cult.. It’s hilarious!
ok, let’s be honest, I remember seeing this movie at the cinema (here in Italy), now I just barely remember the sex scene with Anna Falchi, don’t even remember what the movie was really about, I remember I was disappointed at that time as a Dylan Dog appreciator. let’s say the movie sucks bull’s shitty anus.
but JAMES I can tell you would love Dylan Dog. You would love the character, read the comic if you can…
Wow.. I actually guessed the phobia correct O.o
Hey lots of Italian here… I’m from Milan, just to reply to Giovanni: Uè per lavoro vado a New York o San Francisco, tu vivi in un bel paese! Stai meglio te in USA amico!
As for the other Italians I also suggest James to check out Dylan Dog comics if you will have the opportunity, especially the first episodes, I think you will like them!
and for others Italian movies, James you HAVE to get the Dario Argento ones, those are cult horror/thriller movies, here it is a trailer of Deep Red, one of the most famous Dario Argento movie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62YqwaSMN4E
Ciao!